Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Updating blog
So this is me well just my head. It's kind of like my floating head. I was watching TV. I can't remember what but it was really exciting as you can tell. I just wanted to update my blog and have all of you look at me. Aren't you happy I tricked you into looking at this... hahaha
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Devoted Blog Reader
Well I've found my calling in life. Please note that the new blog that I have created will provide entertainment as well as drama and intrigue. datelessyetdazzling.blogspot.com. Please feel free to laugh, cry and comment about this blog.
Thank you and bless you.
Thank you and bless you.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
DATELESS to DAZZLING
BACKGROUND: I am single. I always have been. I HOPE I won't always be. I like guys. I like them a lot. I wish they liked me more. I would love to date more and meet guys who will fall all over me and pamper me with lavish gifts, and love me forever and ever. I'm working really hard on this right now. I'm studying and experimenting. I don't know what happened but I figure there must be some sort of dating secret that some how I missed. Some how I missed the dating train and if you can't even get on the dating train how are you ever going to get on the marriage train. Well finally understanding this new concept I have been trying ultra, super duper hard to learn the secret entrance to the dating train. I've snuck on a few more times this year. So I'm starting to feel happy about this accomplishment. But there must be more......
THEN: I heard of a revolutionary program called a DATING COACH. I figured this must be a way to learn more about the train. So I volunteered to take part in this new program. All summer I've been looking forward to this miracle worker practising magic on me. "Oh please Mr./Miss/Mrs dating coach tell me the secrets. Tell me why I can never quite make it to that special train called the Dating Train which will eventually take me to the transfer where I can board the fantastical Marriage Train"
Supposedly this dating coach can take (that's an ugly duckling)
and turn them into
Well like I said after anxiously anticipating the arrival of the dating coach to take me to the dating train I received some bad news.
MY IDEA: By signing up for the free dating coach I would be a guinea pig and smooth out the bumps along the way. I would offer feedback and in return meet the man of my dreams, date him, fall in love with him and marry him, and he would do the same, all thanks to the amazing dating coach. My life would be perfect and I would then also be pretty close to perfect. Sounded pretty good to me. That's even a value of almost $1000.
THE REAL PLAN: Today I received an email stating the real plan. I still would get to have my very own dating coach, someone to tell me exactly how messed up I really am. Someone to baby step me up to a guy and tell me all the things that I should do and say to him. Well the catch to this wonderful program is that I would have to agree to go on such television programs as: Inside Edition, Studio 5, The Today Show, Good Morning America Now, and/or The Tyra Banks show. That is so my dream - to go on national television and tell them that I'm a freak and a pathetic excuse for a human being. Well maybe not that far but still. Why in the world would I EVER want to go advertising to the world that I'm a bad dater.
SO: At the risk of never finding the grand entrance to the dating train I'm going to forgo the opportunity to show my face on tv and admitting that I'm hopelessly dateless. Oh and that's another good point the segment on one of the programs would be called "Dateless to Dazzling" So for now I guess I'll just have to recognize that I'll have to find the Dazzling train by myself, no dating coach for me.
THEN: I heard of a revolutionary program called a DATING COACH. I figured this must be a way to learn more about the train. So I volunteered to take part in this new program. All summer I've been looking forward to this miracle worker practising magic on me. "Oh please Mr./Miss/Mrs dating coach tell me the secrets. Tell me why I can never quite make it to that special train called the Dating Train which will eventually take me to the transfer where I can board the fantastical Marriage Train"
Supposedly this dating coach can take (that's an ugly duckling)
and turn them into
Well like I said after anxiously anticipating the arrival of the dating coach to take me to the dating train I received some bad news.
MY IDEA: By signing up for the free dating coach I would be a guinea pig and smooth out the bumps along the way. I would offer feedback and in return meet the man of my dreams, date him, fall in love with him and marry him, and he would do the same, all thanks to the amazing dating coach. My life would be perfect and I would then also be pretty close to perfect. Sounded pretty good to me. That's even a value of almost $1000.
THE REAL PLAN: Today I received an email stating the real plan. I still would get to have my very own dating coach, someone to tell me exactly how messed up I really am. Someone to baby step me up to a guy and tell me all the things that I should do and say to him. Well the catch to this wonderful program is that I would have to agree to go on such television programs as: Inside Edition, Studio 5, The Today Show, Good Morning America Now, and/or The Tyra Banks show. That is so my dream - to go on national television and tell them that I'm a freak and a pathetic excuse for a human being. Well maybe not that far but still. Why in the world would I EVER want to go advertising to the world that I'm a bad dater.
SO: At the risk of never finding the grand entrance to the dating train I'm going to forgo the opportunity to show my face on tv and admitting that I'm hopelessly dateless. Oh and that's another good point the segment on one of the programs would be called "Dateless to Dazzling" So for now I guess I'll just have to recognize that I'll have to find the Dazzling train by myself, no dating coach for me.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Just some fun things to read
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn't.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is a three-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
For Sale :
Wedding dress, size 8.
Worn once by mistake.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
Before marriage and after marriage.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but
when they go, they take your house and car.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove
seemed way too qualified for the job.
"Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual
experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied.? "I've
been divorced three times."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can
remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me
the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation,
"I now pronounce you man and wife."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the s ign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said . "We may not have 45 minutes."
They were seated immediately.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passe d.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father
escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
--------------------------------------------------------------- --------
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, an d friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a
wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"
------------------------------------- ------------------------------
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord.. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy.
What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
"Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to
her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours.
You want my advice?"
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,
"Take the poison."
He thought he was God, and I didn't.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is a three-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
For Sale :
Wedding dress, size 8.
Worn once by mistake.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
Before marriage and after marriage.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but
when they go, they take your house and car.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove
seemed way too qualified for the job.
"Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual
experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied.? "I've
been divorced three times."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can
remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me
the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation,
"I now pronounce you man and wife."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the s ign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said . "We may not have 45 minutes."
They were seated immediately.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passe d.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father
escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
--------------------------------------------------------------- --------
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, an d friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a
wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"
------------------------------------- ------------------------------
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord.. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy.
What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
"Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to
her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours.
You want my advice?"
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,
"Take the poison."
Friday, May 30, 2008
Sit still and listen
Today children, I'd like to talk about two of my favorite things.
1. Cuddling
2. 20 year olds flirting with me on the bus
So this morning I got on the bus and sat by a kid who was asleep....or so I thought.... right when I sat down beside him he opened his eyes and looked over at me and said "Good Morning" I told him good morning back and closed my eyes so I could take my little prework nap as I always do. But alas he wasn't done talking to me. So he looked at my clothes, looked at my skirt and asked me where I was going. I told him that I work at the Church Office Building then he proceeded to ask me all kinds of questions. Now I wouldn't say I'm a grumpy morning person but I like my space and I like my time to gradually wake up. So as he is finding out evreything he can about me I'm responding to the best of my ability and politness at 7:00 a.m. I wasn't rude but I wasn't overly friendly. Well I found out that he works construction and that he is young. He told me he still hasn't been on a mission and that he is 20. Then he looked around the bus and told me that we were by far the youngest people on the bus. I had to agree with him on that point we were indeed the youngest on the bus. I just don't think he realized that I was a whole 10 years older than him. He asked me my hobbies and if my stop hadn't come up I'm sure he would have asked for my phone number. I have to admit it made me laugh. He was a nice kid. Maybe I should have told him I would write him while he was on his mission. That might have been fun.
Anyway the second topic of cuddling really has nothing to do with anything, I just thought it would be an attention grabber. I am accepting applications right now for the position right now though. Too bad all of my blog readers are the wrong gender. I think I'll have to advertise somewhere else.
(Sorry no pictures, I didn't want to pull out my camera while on the bus. OH NO!!!! I didn't even get his name. That's so sad....)
1. Cuddling
2. 20 year olds flirting with me on the bus
So this morning I got on the bus and sat by a kid who was asleep....or so I thought.... right when I sat down beside him he opened his eyes and looked over at me and said "Good Morning" I told him good morning back and closed my eyes so I could take my little prework nap as I always do. But alas he wasn't done talking to me. So he looked at my clothes, looked at my skirt and asked me where I was going. I told him that I work at the Church Office Building then he proceeded to ask me all kinds of questions. Now I wouldn't say I'm a grumpy morning person but I like my space and I like my time to gradually wake up. So as he is finding out evreything he can about me I'm responding to the best of my ability and politness at 7:00 a.m. I wasn't rude but I wasn't overly friendly. Well I found out that he works construction and that he is young. He told me he still hasn't been on a mission and that he is 20. Then he looked around the bus and told me that we were by far the youngest people on the bus. I had to agree with him on that point we were indeed the youngest on the bus. I just don't think he realized that I was a whole 10 years older than him. He asked me my hobbies and if my stop hadn't come up I'm sure he would have asked for my phone number. I have to admit it made me laugh. He was a nice kid. Maybe I should have told him I would write him while he was on his mission. That might have been fun.
Anyway the second topic of cuddling really has nothing to do with anything, I just thought it would be an attention grabber. I am accepting applications right now for the position right now though. Too bad all of my blog readers are the wrong gender. I think I'll have to advertise somewhere else.
(Sorry no pictures, I didn't want to pull out my camera while on the bus. OH NO!!!! I didn't even get his name. That's so sad....)
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Today is the day!
So since it is a new month I decided that I would use today as my a day in the life of Kelly. I think that it's going to be fascinating for you to be updated about my life hourly. You will see the ups and downs, victories and struggles of my daily life. This will pull at your heart strings and make your spirit soar. So let's begin.
8:14 a.m.
This morning has been quite eventful already. First I hit my alarm clock for about 45 minutes. I rationalized that I had been so tired yesterday that I deserved to sleep longer today. So I woke up late and then I looked out the window and what did I see.... not just popcorn popping on the apricot tree, that would be normal for May, this time I looked out the window and what did I see.... SNOW! It was quite a shock. Anyway I missed the bus, I didn't even try to catch it because I knew it would be long gone by the time I was finally ready so I drove into work again for the 3rd day in a row. I'm such a slacker. Then I got to work and went to the cafeteria since I hadn't had a chance to eat breakfast at home. I got some delicious cracked wheat and a water the breakfast of champions. I got up to my desk about 15 mintues late which shouldn't be a problem since my co-worker is supposed to be here at 7:30 but for some reason he wasn't and still isn't here. He's scheduled to go on vacation tomorrow who knows maybe he left a day early. So that has been my fun filled morning.
9:52 a.m.
My phone is ringing a lot this morning because there are only 2 of us manning it. I ate cake already this morning cause my co-worker brought it in. It was really good but now I feel sick.
10:50 a.m.
So I was getting cold and I thought I would walk over to get my sweater to put over my legs and as I stood up something fell and I thought for a split second that my skirt had fallen off. It turned out to be my sweater so it was already on me. I almost had a panic attact. It was really funny.
1:15 p.m.
I just got back from my lunch break. It was an extra special day because I went to a presentation about fruits and vegetables. I got a free apple and I learned that eating fruits and veggies is good for you. I am eating my apple now and it is mmmm mmm good. I also had vegetable soup for lunch. I guess the message is really sinking in. I really wish I had my camera to document all that I'm journaling today but I didn't bring my camera.
1:40 p.m.
I just came up with a brilliant business plan.I'm going to start up a business where I follow people around and update their blogs for them on a regular basis. I really think there is a need out there people just don't have enough time to document their lives as much as they should and I'm going to be there ready to tell the world their every move. I just need some money for advertising and some fancy clothes and a nice car
2:49 p.m.
So bored!!! Emailed and texted people and am waiting for a response so I don't feel like a loser. I hate being out of control in the text/phone/email game. It's such trauma waiting and hoping you aren't a big geek or something.
3:30 p.m.
Still super bored but I went and talked to my friend we'll call her A.B. who works in another department here and we chatted for a while. She even let me wear her sombrero which was pretty much the highlight of my day. I'm still waiting on some emails and texts so those have proved to fly up in the clouds never to return again. Oh that reminds me of a story. On Sunday I went to my roommates family birthday party. There were helium filled balloons and we tied them around the kids wrists and told them to be very careful and not to let them fly away. Well I decided that I needed a balloon tied around my wrist too and about 2 minutes after having it on I got playing too hard and it untied (I'm ashamed to say that I'm the one who tied the knot on it too. I'll never be a boy scout!) Well I started crying telling everyone to get it back for me and that I lost my pink balloon. It was so sad. I'm still trying to get over it. That's why it makes me so sad that I put emails and texts out there and they just get neglected and fly away never to be seen again. Luckily on Sunday there was birthday cake to console my broken heart. I hope there is a treat tonight that will console my once again broken little heart.
4:20 p.m.
Going home suckers! Oh and one of the balloons came back. :)
8:14 a.m.
This morning has been quite eventful already. First I hit my alarm clock for about 45 minutes. I rationalized that I had been so tired yesterday that I deserved to sleep longer today. So I woke up late and then I looked out the window and what did I see.... not just popcorn popping on the apricot tree, that would be normal for May, this time I looked out the window and what did I see.... SNOW! It was quite a shock. Anyway I missed the bus, I didn't even try to catch it because I knew it would be long gone by the time I was finally ready so I drove into work again for the 3rd day in a row. I'm such a slacker. Then I got to work and went to the cafeteria since I hadn't had a chance to eat breakfast at home. I got some delicious cracked wheat and a water the breakfast of champions. I got up to my desk about 15 mintues late which shouldn't be a problem since my co-worker is supposed to be here at 7:30 but for some reason he wasn't and still isn't here. He's scheduled to go on vacation tomorrow who knows maybe he left a day early. So that has been my fun filled morning.
9:52 a.m.
My phone is ringing a lot this morning because there are only 2 of us manning it. I ate cake already this morning cause my co-worker brought it in. It was really good but now I feel sick.
10:50 a.m.
So I was getting cold and I thought I would walk over to get my sweater to put over my legs and as I stood up something fell and I thought for a split second that my skirt had fallen off. It turned out to be my sweater so it was already on me. I almost had a panic attact. It was really funny.
1:15 p.m.
I just got back from my lunch break. It was an extra special day because I went to a presentation about fruits and vegetables. I got a free apple and I learned that eating fruits and veggies is good for you. I am eating my apple now and it is mmmm mmm good. I also had vegetable soup for lunch. I guess the message is really sinking in. I really wish I had my camera to document all that I'm journaling today but I didn't bring my camera.
1:40 p.m.
I just came up with a brilliant business plan.I'm going to start up a business where I follow people around and update their blogs for them on a regular basis. I really think there is a need out there people just don't have enough time to document their lives as much as they should and I'm going to be there ready to tell the world their every move. I just need some money for advertising and some fancy clothes and a nice car
2:49 p.m.
So bored!!! Emailed and texted people and am waiting for a response so I don't feel like a loser. I hate being out of control in the text/phone/email game. It's such trauma waiting and hoping you aren't a big geek or something.
3:30 p.m.
Still super bored but I went and talked to my friend we'll call her A.B. who works in another department here and we chatted for a while. She even let me wear her sombrero which was pretty much the highlight of my day. I'm still waiting on some emails and texts so those have proved to fly up in the clouds never to return again. Oh that reminds me of a story. On Sunday I went to my roommates family birthday party. There were helium filled balloons and we tied them around the kids wrists and told them to be very careful and not to let them fly away. Well I decided that I needed a balloon tied around my wrist too and about 2 minutes after having it on I got playing too hard and it untied (I'm ashamed to say that I'm the one who tied the knot on it too. I'll never be a boy scout!) Well I started crying telling everyone to get it back for me and that I lost my pink balloon. It was so sad. I'm still trying to get over it. That's why it makes me so sad that I put emails and texts out there and they just get neglected and fly away never to be seen again. Luckily on Sunday there was birthday cake to console my broken heart. I hope there is a treat tonight that will console my once again broken little heart.
4:20 p.m.
Going home suckers! Oh and one of the balloons came back. :)
Friday, April 25, 2008
Goals
So I decided that I'm going to make a new goal, to write on my blog more, maybe I'll do it once a week, or once a day or even once an hour, oh that would be fun. I could do an hourly update on what projects I'm working on at work, what website I'm checking, whose blog I'm reading or whose emails I've received that I'm excited about. You guys are so lucky you will get to see the world through my eyes, well not really cause that would be like that movie the Truman Show or something but it will still be exciting none the less. Oh, and I'll take pictures of everything I do. I'll have my coworkers trained to take my picture every hour and I'll just post that picture according to what I'm doing at the second. Shoot I hope they don't catch me doing anything weird. I hope I don't have my mouth full of food (that one might be a frequent activity though since I eat about once an hour), what if I am caught in the middle of a sneeze or worse yet..... what if I'm caught after a sneeze and there is something unmentionable hanging from my nose. I'm having second thoughts about my idea all the sudden. This could be really embarrassing. I'll have to sleep on this for the weekend and decide if I can really go through with my goal to be a perpetual blogger. It really is a goal but I'm just a little afraid of the fame it could create.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I'm feeling much better now
OK kids it's story time but this might be a scary story so watch out and make sure the lights are on. I wouldn't want you having nightmares. When I was on my mission there was one day where things just were really getting to me. I was in such a bad mood and I didn't know how to vent my frustrations. I couldn't really run around to get my frustrations out because I had to stay with my companion and if I'm not mistaken she was part of the frustration, I couldn't yell to get it out, I couldn't eat it out, I couldn't even kick it out. I just knew that all of those reactions would just make things worse. I got out my journal and vented. This time it wasn't in words though it was in the most awful drawings imaginable. Awful because I can't draw and awful because I was trying to think of good ways to get the bad mood out of me. My favorite picture was of me getting eaten by a monster. That's the way I'm feeling today, where's that monster when you need him. Anyway it was very therapeutic and I recommend it to anyone. I'm going to find a creative way to get out my irritation and no, you can't know what it is. That part is a secret.
K, I'm in a much better mood now. LOL Sorry for the language, but that's the way I feel some times about what I'm getting. I want cookies and I'm getting crappy fruit. Haha
K, I'm in a much better mood now. LOL Sorry for the language, but that's the way I feel some times about what I'm getting. I want cookies and I'm getting crappy fruit. Haha
Thursday, March 27, 2008
As exciting as...
In honor of my boredom today... here are some quotes from high school student's papers. I just found them in my desk that I was cleaning out. I was giving my little cube a make over. Anyway here are somethings that make me laugh.
-Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed in a Thigh Master
-His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer with Cling Free.
-He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
-She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
-She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
-Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
-He was as tall as a six-foot, three inch tree.
-The Revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
-The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't
-McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
-From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30.
-He hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
-The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
-Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers reached across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.
-The lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
-John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
-He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
-Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
-The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
-The young fighter had a hungry look, kind you get from not eating for a while.
-He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but the real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
-The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
-It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
-He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Well there you have it. They crack me up. I know it's not my own work but you've got to know when something is funny and those are funny. I think I'm going to make this blog my quest for funny. Hmm or maybe not and I'll just use it as a cure for boredom every once in a while.
-Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed in a Thigh Master
-His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer with Cling Free.
-He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
-She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
-She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
-Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
-He was as tall as a six-foot, three inch tree.
-The Revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
-The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't
-McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
-From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30.
-He hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
-The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
-Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers reached across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.
-The lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
-John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
-He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
-Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
-The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
-The young fighter had a hungry look, kind you get from not eating for a while.
-He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but the real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
-The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
-It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
-He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Well there you have it. They crack me up. I know it's not my own work but you've got to know when something is funny and those are funny. I think I'm going to make this blog my quest for funny. Hmm or maybe not and I'll just use it as a cure for boredom every once in a while.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Sad but True
Bloggers Block. It comes when one is least expecting it. It's a slow manifestation of boredom, unmotivation and slothfulness. The warning signs include: disinterest in updating friends and family in everyday events in ones life, chronic fatigue and several bad hair days in a row. There is no known cure, but many studies suggest that encouragement and donations may alliviate the severity of this aliment.
Other factors attributed to bloggers block may include:
-moving into a new house
-losing ones camera
-working too much
-too much homework
-boring life
and social ineptness
-moving into a new house
-losing ones camera
-working too much
-too much homework
-boring life
and social ineptness
Please send donations to:
Kelly Onstott,
as she will see the proper actions are taken to free the world from such a detrimental disorder.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Thank You
You guys are great. I'll be awaiting your responses for what you want for your prizes. In the mean time please enjoy this clip. (click on clip) This is the story of my life and frankly I'm tired of people chasing after me, yes I'm one of the three (just watch the video and you will understand). Things are going so well in the dating area of my life I may have to write another chapter or two about the Committment Dragon. He's out on the loose again and I think he's been following me.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
It's a MIRACLE
I know it's truly a miracle. I'm back from the grave. Well not really but I'm taking advantage of my dinner break during class so I'm going to post some pictures from the last few months. I've been a busy girl and haven't been able to do much blogging.... I know it's been sad for me too. Hopefully this will make up for it. These are my nephews and neice and anything else I feel like putting on here. It'll be a nice surprise when people look at my blog on the rare occation that they check and see that I actually posted. If you do see this, write a comment which tells me the date so I can see how long it takes for people to regain faith in me as a blogger.
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