THEN: I heard of a revolutionary program called a DATING COACH. I figured this must be a way to learn more about the train. So I volunteered to take part in this new program. All summer I've been looking forward to this miracle worker practising magic on me. "Oh please Mr./Miss/Mrs dating coach tell me the secrets. Tell me why I can never quite make it to that special train called the Dating Train which will eventually take me to the transfer where I can board the fantastical Marriage Train"
Supposedly this dating coach can take
(that's an ugly duckling) and turn them into
Well like I said after anxiously anticipating the arrival of the dating coach to take me to the dating train I received some bad news.
MY IDEA: By signing up for the free dating coach I would be a guinea pig and smooth out the bumps along the way. I would offer feedback and in return meet the man of my dreams, date him, fall in love with him and marry him, and he would do the same, all thanks to the amazing dating coach. My life would be perfect and I would then also be pretty close to perfect. Sounded pretty good to me. That's even a value of almost $1000.
THE REAL PLAN: Today I received an email stating the real plan. I still would get to have my very own dating coach, someone to tell me exactly how messed up I really am. Someone to baby step me up to a guy and tell me all the things that I should do and say to him. Well the catch to this wonderful program is that I would have to agree to go on such television programs as: Inside Edition, Studio 5, The Today Show, Good Morning America Now, and/or The Tyra Banks show. That is so my dream - to go on national television and tell them that I'm a freak and a pathetic excuse for a human being. Well maybe not that far but still. Why in the world would I EVER want to go advertising to the world that I'm a bad dater.
SO: At the risk of never finding the grand entrance to the dating train I'm going to forgo the opportunity to show my face on tv and admitting that I'm hopelessly dateless. Oh and that's another good point the segment on one of the programs would be called "Dateless to Dazzling" So for now I guess I'll just have to recognize that I'll have to find the Dazzling train by myself, no dating coach for me.
3 comments:
too bad "Elder Martin" decided to change genders that day we delivered milk to the Elder's apartment. I think he had an eye on you.
Hey, I will be your dating coach for only $500, and you won't have to go on any talk show, you will just need to address a young woman's group at a fireside. Let me know if you're interested.
what? nothing about mexico? how was it? are you still stuck there? did you find a mexican dating coach across the border that was cheaper? :)
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